college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
