i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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