She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
