i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So many bounce houses so little time
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
