I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
