even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I love having hate sex.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
