We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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