Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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