I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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