1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
