is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
