it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
