Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
