you would pick up someone in the library
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
