And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
