I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
