he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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