My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
