Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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