I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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