I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I would ride that face into the sunset
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
