im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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