You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
