what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
