My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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