Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
my poor anus
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
