oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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