new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
