atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
