not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Did I show you my penis last night?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
