My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Everything about him screamed your future.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
