Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
