I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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