her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
