He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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