So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
