i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
3 2 1 whiskey
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
