remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
