Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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