went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
People in love make me want to vomit
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
