I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
