he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
