I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He better not be in your backpack
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
