I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
