He is an equal opportunity slut.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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