we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
