After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
