Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
