I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
People in love make me want to vomit
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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