Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
