Just fell off a train. Bad.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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