Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
