someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
