so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
