Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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