I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
