I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
