I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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