Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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