Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
