the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
