I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
false alarm. still invincible.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
